I Will Break Your Face

My friend Barry joined me at a Kickball party and things got out of hand...

After a fun party, the cab arrived and we ran to it and got in, so that no one else would steal it. Sadly, two other people ran to the cab and got in at the same time. Barry screamed "DRIVE!" but it was too late, the others were in the cab. (plus they heard him scream that...strike 1)

The others were a guy and his girlfriend, and they seemed friendly despite hearing Barrytell the driver to leave them. The girl got in the back seat next to Barry, and the boyfriend got in the front seat.

Along the way, Barry wondered "where are we going" outloud about 20 times. Each time, the guy in front explained how we were dropping him off on the way, and no big deal. Saying this once would have been fine, but 20 times was strike 2.

In between the questions about where we were going, Barry managed to talk to the girlfriend who was 1 inch away from him. All I heard him say was "how was your night" and he explained his night. I wasn't really paying attention.

After 10 minutes in the cab, I realize Barry still is talking to the girl. I'm not sure if it was the length of time he spoke to her, or if he said something to her, but the boyfriend in the front seat turns around and calmly states, "If you say one more word to my girl, I will break your face" Strike 3.

I didn't think Barry said anything bad, but I wasn't paying attention. Chances are he called her Sweetie, or said she was pretty like he said to every other girl he saw that night.

My theory:

Barry: "Were you at the kickball party?"
Girl: "no"
Barry: "Oh Yeah I was there
Girl: "nice"
Barry: "Were you at the kickball party"
Girl: "uh no"
Barry: "lot of pretty girls there, pretty like you"
Girl: "uh"
Barry: "so you have a fun night...your pretty"

As the guy warns him, Barry tries to explain "oh hey well no hey oh" but is not really apologetic or coherent, and is more annoying the guy than smoothing it over. Every time the guy is about to be over it, Barry says something else to keep it going. So the guy keeps talking about breaking his face.

Soon we reach the house, and the guy is starting to raise his voice. The girlfriend is screaming directions to the cab driver, hoping to get home and out of there as soon as possible. The situation is intense. Finally we arrive and the girl & guy get out of the cab at his house.

As the guy gets out and Barry feels he is safe, he says something else. The boyfriend did not close the door, and leaned back in the cab with the breaking of the face talk. I was smirking the whole time (i knew it would piss the guy off) and he said he would break my face. I just kept smiling.

The situation heated up and the guy was ready to jump in the back seat and brawl. At this point our foreign African cab driver is not happy. He is screaming at the guy in the front to get out of the cab. He is really pissed and senses the upcoming fight and hits the gas. Driving with the door open and the guy hanging on to the door to try to get in. The guy will not let go.

At this point I assume the cab driver will make us get out and fend for ourselves. This was not good because Barry was in no fighting shape. On a normal day, if it came down to actual fighting, I would take Barry. Not tonight.

I started to get nervous because I was gonna have to talk it out with this guy and hope he didn't punch Barry in the face too much. I didn't want to deal with Police or hospitals or anything. I wanted to sleep. The guy was not scary, but Barry was just, I don't even think he could stand on his own. My 10 year old brother could have taken him down.

The cab driver continues to hit the gas, and at last the guy lets go and we are headed down the street with the door open. He is screaming, i think on the phone, in some language. He gets out and shuts the door and continues to scream things.

The whole time it seemed the cab driver had our backs.

Back on the road we need to stop at a bank. I realize Barry will not remember so I make him get money out. Before he gets out of the cab, he farts. It was terrible. The worst smell ever. Now the cab driver is furious. He is cursing in his language. He then revisits the previous situation and assumes Barry molested the girl next to him. However we still made it home.