Dressing Nice For Kickball Parties

WAKA, WAKA, WAKA...

No thats not our kickball league three times in a row. It is the sound of Fozzie & company laughing at the way you are dressed.

Everyone is wondering what to wear to the end of season kickball party. WTF. This is a kickball party. This is the biggest event that you will attend since your DUI hearing. Except in this case the "judge" will be "the ladies", the "fine" will be "making out", and the "jail cell" will be "the couch in my parent's basement" Lets show some class. Don't dress like a bum with monkey shorts, a kilt, black socks with sandals, and a cut-off shirt...

But Chris...Where can I get nice clothing...it looks expensive...

There are plenty affordable outfits available at Kohl's. My roommate (mom) has a 10% coupon. I'll borrow her Kohl's card and we can all go together and pick out some $5 shirts. Next Thursday we will all park our cars at Kohl's and carpool to the kickball fields. Then after the games, we will start a tab at the Kohl's register instead of at the bar.

For the guys, My mom tells me that some of these Kohl's shirts have something called a collar, and it makes you look handsome. These shirts also have sleeves. ("But mom, if I don't show off my muscles, how will I look good for the ladies" "I have no son!") Why spend all that money at Aberstotle & Fitch when Kohl's has all the hottest styles like blue, red, and even green.

Kohl's also has some of what I call "church pants", which are pants not made of Denim or Sweat. These "church pants" have legs that go down below the knees and to your shoes. Classy! These are the same kind of pants that important people wear like Car Salesmen, Blockbuster Employees, and successful bums.

And for the ladies out there, Kohl's has some great fashions. Sure, we all love Natalie's trendy yet professional stained cut-off Capri sweat pants. And who can look away from Katy's practical and affordable middle school gym shorts. And Jim, who can resist his daisy dukes. But come on.

Distance yourself from your old ways. My best friend Leslie says that Kohl's is the only place to get the latest fashions from Hannah Montana. I never heard of her, but I think she is like a famous designer in the tradition of Coco Channel (is that 346?). Affordable & Classy, you will be the envy of everyone, in the classroom, on the playground (playing kickball), and at whatever s**thole the end of season party is at. Make all the boys say "I can't wait to see you again!"

Finally, Kohl's even has footwear. According to Wikipedia, there are these things called "dress shoes". They cover your whole foot, don't strap up with velcro, and don't smell like sweaty feet. They come in more traditional colors like black & brown, and don't make an annoying flip/flop sound when you walk. Warning: You can't wear them in the shower. (Then whats the point of owning them!)

So come on guys and gals. Its one night Lets show the people in this terrible town how our kickball division rolls! Grown & Sexy as they call it on my favorite radio station!

And as always, reach for the moon, If you miss, you will land among the stars...