Kickball Injuries

It was a typical kickball offseason.  My team just won the Spring Championship and I was already ready for the Fall.  While several of my teammates took a few weeks off after the season to relax and enjoy time with family and friends, I chose to remain at home and continue my workout regimen so I would be prepared for the fall.  As a 40 year old playing in a 20 year old league, those 2 weeks of extra training are crucial to my body's well being.

Every day is the same.  I wake up, look at a picture of the Waka Dominion trophy that hangs next to the picture of my girlfriend, give the picture a kiss (the one of the trophy, not the girl) and I head into the shower to get ready to train.  Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you.  It's 10:45am.  Early bird gets the worm.

You would think it was hard to get up that early, but once I picture the other Dominion kickball players sleeping in their beds (or cars...or bushes) it gives me the motivation I need to train.

Once I'm ready the routine begins.  Strength Training in the morning.  I do about 10 reps at 45 pounds on the bench press, do some excercise with the pink 2 1/2 pound dumbells, and then do that thing that isn't a pullup, but where you hang from the bar.  Perfect for the strength and muscle tone you need for kickball.

Right before lunch is kickball skills training.  I head down to the local elementary school and get in on one of their famous pickup games.  I bunt and bunt and bunt til I can't bunt no more.  The kids seem upset, but I get on base at least 10% of the time.  Suckers.  They ask me why I don't kick the ball like a "man" and I tell them that I am a man and I bunt, so why don't you bunt like a man!  Mine makes more sense!  Stupid kids.

Some days are harder than others because certain teachers ask me to leave the school.  They scream something like "pet that file" or something, but I'm usually running away and don't really have time to pet anything.

After a power-recover lunch It's time for Kickball speed drills.  I walk around the mall a few times, and then work my way up to a jog to first base.  After the 45 foot jog I'm usually really burned out.  But I can't stop there.  The championship calls.

After my workouts I spend 3 hours icing down my body.  It would be really boring if I didn't have a big screen in my Training Room.  You haven't seen Jessica Fletcher until you have seen her in beautiful 50 inch High Definition.  And the whites of Matlocks suits on the plasma screen, so electrifying!

Every five minutes I say "ow my back" and it seems to help with the healing process.  Getting old is rough, but the ecstasy from winning a championship cannot be beat.

It's been a few months of training and things are going very well, but as an old man the training is taking its toll.  Those pink weights, those 45 foot jogs, and those bunts really get my body aching.  However, the worst comes from games.

In order to prepare for fall, I recently entered a 1 day tournament.  This grueling competition consisted of 2 full games, 5 innings each.  It required gutwrenching physical stamina.  It was so tiring I almost couldn't even sit in my fold out camping chair and drink a beer for the 95% of the time I wasn't physically moving.

And now I write to you after that first day of "practice games"  Don't worry.  It looks much worse than it is.  As a 40 year old, this is almost just a typical night after kickball.  The doctors say it is just a precaution and my AARP card covers most of the procedures.  My neck hurts from looking at birds flying by the field.  My arms hurt from resting them on the armrest of the chair.  My legs hurt from having to stand in the field for 3 minute increments.  Kickball is the most brutal of all sports.  But like I say, All pain is worth it just for the glory from smelling Rama's cheap cologne while hoisting the Dominion Cup.