Is That A Girl In My Bed?

"Hey, wake up. Don't you have to be at work?" Wait. Who the hell said that? I turned to my side and I noticed there was a girl in my bed. This stranger was poking me and telling me I had to wake up. She had some nerve. I didn't even know her name and she was interrupting my sleep. Then all of a sudden everything started to come together.

The night started as it does often times with a ride on the Fairfax Connector. The bus was nothing new. Remember at Disney when you went on the Small World ride? Well all those kids that were singing on that ride are all grown up and they all ride the Fairfax Connector. Want to learn how to say hello in 7 different languages? Grab $1.25 and hop on.

The bus dropped me off right in front of the bar and I went in to get the party started. However, I had arrived just a tad bit early as it was 4pm. The bar at 4pm looks like the bleachers at a Nationals game. The bar at 4pm is as depressing as Dave Coulier's career. The bar at 4pm is like watching Marley & Me, (spoiler alert) except in this version there are 80 Marleys and they still die in the end but the first hour and a half they are being tortured.

Eventually some other people showed up and the night began to get better. There was some kickball played... I think games had outcomes, but lets ff that (fast forwarding noise).

Back at the bar it was business as usual. Hot asian bartender mocked me for always leaving early and never getting drunk. (And you know I do drink a lot of times but the degenerates on my team apparantly get really drunk at the bar like 3 days a week so I look like a saint.) I scanned the room for talented free agents, but there were no Dwight Howards. There weren't even any Mike Millers. There was however a girl with a hula hoop, and she just hula hooped for 2 straight hours. What the hell was that all about.

Being the first one to arrive at the bar is depressing, and then I hit the 2nd depressing moment where it is last call, the lights are on, and I am being escorted out to the curb. I decided to turn on the charm and start asking (begging) people (girls) for a ride home. I promised that I would sleep with them, and told them some tall tales about the size of my little friend. That tactic didn't work quite as I hoped, and the thing that worked the best was just asking for a ride and that my appreciation would be enough payment. But I knew what kind of appreciation they really wanted ;)

My memory of the night ends at about that point, although I have a slight recollection of singing Michael Jackson songs into a microphone and doing the moonwalk. So if the girl who woke up in my bed is reading this, I have no idea what we did (i probably just cried a lot) and if we did something you did a wonderful job and you are a real asset to the team and yada yada yada. Oh and that number I gave you wasn't fake I just typed it in wrong ... yeah thats the ticket... typed it wrong.