The Sadness of Writing These Stories

"Hey Chris, can you do a write up this week?"

That is the question I get every single week from my kickball team. Well that is true but what I really meant to say is that it is the question I have gotten every single week for the past 7 years or however long I've "played" this "game". Well I have something to say about that.

Every once and a while, I enjoy a few beers, and that in combination with my amazing personality and other people's awkward personalities lead to interesting things happening. I write them down, and everyone says "haha you are so funny". 

Funny? I just wrote a story about binge drinking, getting shot down by multiple women, throwing  up in the bushes, spilling beer on people, attempting to walk home 20 miles, being thrown out of the Comfort Inn and having to call my mom at 2am on a weeknight to pick me up in her minivan from the bar and transporting me back to my room in my parent's basement. That doesn't sound funny! That sounds very sad. 

And if that isn't the main point of the story then it involves walking the streets of Herndon the next day in my kickball gear, almost being fired from work for being hungover, having my mom drive me BACK to the bar in the morning to pick up my car, paying my $100 plus bar tab, or reliving  the drunk text messages I sent to chicks with boyfriends or to fake numbers.

It saddens me to think about it, but every "good" write up I have costs me $100 in alcohol, negative liver points, a lot of shame, friendships, possible wives, street cred, lectures from my mom, and money docked from my allowance. And all it nets me is "Dap" from  the 4 people who read them. That is not a great investment.

And then one week I decide something. You know what. Maybe I'll enjoy a few waters, perhaps a root beer, not spent $100 at a dive bar, maybe endulge in some burger sliders, drive back to my home and get to bed at a reasonable hour on a weekday WORK NIGHT. It will be SOOO FUN to field all the emails of "WHERES THE WRITE UP, Why isn't it funny!!!!"

You guys want write ups?  Buy me drinks all night. (Unfortunately, "social points" don't drown my sorrows.) And if not, I'll be the guy in the corner with the great hair drinking waters and totally not being awkward.