Success With The Ladies...Not

Barry & Steve boarded the local bus and were on their way to a local watering hole. Upon their arrival, the bartender told them that it was ladies night. Looking around, they noticed that there were only 2 ladies in the whole place. ( a typical ladies night in NOVA) The bartender gave them the "ladies" rate because he was very nice, or because he saw Steve's hair and thought he was a girl. Steve grabbed some pitchers of the great beer Natural Light and the fun began.

The first girl Steve talked to was a girl who enjoyed listening to metal music. He learned that she liked Slipknot and had met the entire group called Pantera. Steve didn't say one word to her. Instead he proceeded to give her the metal sign over and over and over and over and over again, throwing in a shocker for good measure. That didn't get old fast, especially since it lasted for 2 hours.

Later that night, Steve was walking through the large crowd and bumped into a poor girl, spilling her drink a bit. He said sorry, apparently too quiet to hear, so her friend mumbled "Excuse me". She thought she was smooth, but she wasn't, because Steve heard this.

"Excuse me???" he shouted so that people around started to watch "No NO NO Excuse YOU!" What that meant no one will ever know, but Steve thought it was a good playful pickup line. The girl however did not and shoved a middle finger in his face and walked away as the onlooking crowd chuckled.

Steve was dejected and went down to the end of the bar and observed the crowd. He noticed a girl was staring at him. He stared back and debated weather or not he would go and talk to her. To his joy and amazement he wouldn't have to make the choice as she headed his way. He quickly went through pickup lines in his head and came up with one that fit the occasion. "I couldn't help notice you were staring at me from across the room," is what he was going to say. Instead, Smiling a huge grin he said "I couldn't' " and then stopped.

He noticed the camera in her hand and figured out she prolly wanted him to take a picture of her with her boyfriend.

His smile quickly turned into a look of lost hope as he found out he was correct. She handed him the camera and told him all he had to do was press the button. She then walked away, and began talking to other people, seemingly forgetting that she had given the camera to Steve.

Upset and stuck with the camera, Steve decided he was going to go with one of his classic "strangers camera down the pants shots" He quietly slid away from the girl turned and faced the wall looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, and Click. He handed the camera back to her and walked away as if nothing had happened. He was hoping she had panoramic film (oh yeah).

Later, Steve noticed a woman in a nurse's uniform. Sadly it was not a sexy nurse uniform. This girl looked pissed. She was smoking and sitting slouched against the wall. She had a mean look on her face and prolly just got off of a 18 hour shift or something. Steve jumped on the opportunity...

"Are you a nurse?"
--Not a terrible start due to her uniform

"yeah"
--Ok she responded, I gotta think on my toes

"my mom is a nurse"
--Ug, don't ask me what kind! don't ask! dont ask!

"really what kind?" she said skeptically
--AHH Abort Mission Abort Mission

"something to do with childbirth, what is your field"
--Nice save and change the subject, smooth move

"Im a CCRN, but what does she do with childbirth"
--Walk Away!!!!

"I think she delivers them, or does a doctor do that, maybe she uh, uh, I'm not sure I just know she deals with uh...cool nice talk bye"
--sigh of relief, I am safe, that was almost a failure

Steve had basically stopped in mid sentence scared and bolted without looking back. He actually ended it with "cool nice talk bye". I wonder if there is a nurse right now writing an email to all her nurse friends describing this same encounter. I wonder.